Therapy for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents in Chicago
Understanding how the relationship you grew up in may still be shaping the way you relate to yourself and others.
You may have grown up with a parent who was emotionally unavailable, critical, unpredictable, self-focused, enmeshed, or difficult to please.
Perhaps you learned to monitor their moods, keep the peace, avoid being a burden, or become unusually responsible at a young age.
Now, as an adult, you may understand that your family was complicated — but still find yourself struggling with guilt, boundaries, self-doubt, or the feeling that other people’s needs should come before your own.
Therapy can help you understand what you learned to do in order to stay connected, and begin building a sense of self that feels more solid and your own.
How These Patterns Can Show Up In Adulthood
You may notice that you:
feel guilty when you disappoint someone
become anxious when another person is upset
have difficulty knowing what you need or want
over-explain or defend your decisions
feel responsible for other people’s emotions
struggle to set boundaries with family
automatically caretake or over-function
question whether your feelings are valid
feel selfish when you prioritize yourself
experience anxiety or confusion in close relationships
Sometimes these patterns developed through emotional parentification: when you felt responsible for a parent's emotions, wellbeing, or stability.
What helped you stay connected as a child may now be making it difficult to feel free as an adult.
What We Work On In Therapy
Our work may include:
recognizing the roles you learned to play in your family
understanding emotional parentification and its long-term impact
separating your needs and emotions from those of other people
working through guilt around boundaries
understanding how early family dynamics show up in current relationships
strengthening your ability to trust your own perceptions
grieving what you needed but may not have received
developing a more secure, compassionate relationship with yourself
The goal is not necessarily to label or blame your parents.
It is to understand what happened to you, how you adapted, and which of those adaptations you no longer want to carry.
A Relational and Attachment-Based Approach
I work from a relational, attachment-based, and trauma-informed perspective.
We pay attention to both your family history and the ways these patterns continue to emerge in your relationships, self-worth, boundaries, and emotional life today.
When useful, EMDR can also help process particularly painful memories, interactions, or beliefs connected to earlier relationships.
Ready to Explore These Patterns Differently?
A complimentary 15-minute consultation gives us a chance to talk about what you are experiencing and whether working together feels like a good fit.
In-person therapy is available in Lincoln Park, Chicago, with virtual therapy throughout Illinois and Washington.